So, if I have got your attention so far, here are your top ten tips to really wind up and annoy your DJ on your host’s special night... and in true DJ style we will countdown the top ten!!!

10. The Babysitter - Having a kid’s party, then this is a great one... Get double the value for money by not only having your DJ play music, entertain with Musical Statues and Musical Bumps and hand out prizes, but get him to babysit the kids throughout the party too. Not only does this mean that you don't need to take any responsibility for all the broken chairs and tables as well as all the partly chewed sandwiches now stuck to the ceiling and crisps all over the floor; it also means that you and your friends can disappear off to the pub around the corner and have a swift couple of drinks. All this whilst knowing your DJ is feeling happy in himself that he has coped admirably with 60 screaming children demanding 30 glow sticks each, putting food down the toilets, emptying the contents of their drinks glasses all over the wood floor to make an excellent skating rink and most importantly escaping outside to share a fag with the local 16 year old chavs from round the corner. Best of all, when the other parents come to collect their children at the end of the night, you can tell them how well behaved they have all been and how easy it has been keeping an eye on them all night. Your friends will be so impressed with you and not even know that you left the DJ to babysit for you.

9. Master Your Microphone Technique - As a DJ of many years’ experience, I am always surprised how well guests at parties get on with my microphones. If you need a little bit of help in this area, then don't take any notice of how I tell you to use the microphone, use some of this valuable experience I have gained over the years from some of my favourite guests.

• Firstly, go and ask the DJ if you can borrow his microphone to sing along to your favourite song. Your DJ will love this. He loves to hear variations on all-time favourite disco tunes, especially when sung out of tune, and out of time. Oh, and be assured, all the guests will absolutely love dancing to you singing along. It really helps them feel the rhythm of the music. You will get so many compliments afterwards as well.
• Next, when the DJ does give you the microphone, the first and most important thing you MUST absolutely do, is bang on the top of it very loudly to make sure it is working. If you are still not quite sure if it is 100%, then another great tip is to go and stand straight in front of one of the speakers with it - when it makes a high pitch squealing noise, you definitely know the microphone is working. It doesn’t matter if you blow the speaker up (which will happen) as there is another one at the other side, and your DJ will be able to manage playing out music to 150+ guests through a single speaker.
• Finally, you can start your performance. You will demand a massive amount of respect from the crowd and the DJ by swinging the microphone around your head by its cable. Not only does this help the DJ test that his cable is strong enough to cope with all the centrifugal force that it is being put through, but it is also a good test of the plug that connects the cable to the microphone. Watch in awe as your DJ and guests bob up and down in time to your singing, hoping that the plug and cable attached to the weighty metal microphone are strong enough to prevent it hurtling through the air at 90mph and connecting with the bridge of granny's nose. Oh and don’t worry if it is a wireless radio microphone - throwing it across the dance floor as you would expect from a trumped up pop star can have exactly the same effect.

8. Name That Tune – Like the old game show from the seventies and eighties, this is a great party game to play with your DJ. Ideally, think of a song you would like the DJ to play. Don’t make it easy for him though. Whilst the music is playing at its loudest, or the DJ is talking on the microphone, go up to him and say “I want a song playing”. Don’t tell him what it is or who it is by. That is far too easy for him to deal with. Challenge him to name it in ten and hum along as far away from the real tune as you possibly can. Chances are, he will get it straight away and know exactly which one you mean. He does have an inbuilt computer in his ears, to analyse your inane humming and tell you exactly which song you mean, who it is by and in which year it was released. In the unlikely event that he can’t recognise it, the following phrase always works well. “Call yourself a DJ – I thought you were supposed to know about music”. Your DJ will find it highly amusing and will no doubt congratulate you on your comic ability.

7. Alternative Use For The Speakers – I bet you didn’t know, but when a DJ buys speakers, one of the main criteria in his £2000 investment is to make sure there is enough room for guests to balance their drinks on it. You will often find however, that the DJ does not always make the most of this investment, and can, on most occasions forget to put the beer mats on them as well. Don’t worry though, as spilling drinks all over the speakers is very welcome. Our speakers spend a lot of time at dusty venues and in the back of the van. Pouring alcohol based drinks all over them helps keep them clean and stops them smelling musty. It really does come into its own when your DJ is driving home and gets stopped by the police. It is then, when he really appreciates the smell of a small brewery in the back of his van. The policeman also finds it very amusing – so much so, he invites your DJ down to the police station for a little chat before he goes home.

6. Don’t let the party finish on time – Your DJ is a very nice chap. He doesn’t actually have a life outside of playing music at your party, and appreciates every penny he can earn whilst he is there. When you get to the end of the night and the DJ says the immortal words, “Thank you and Good Night”, he doesn’t really mean it. He is quite happy for you to all shout abuse at him demanding he plays another song. After all, when you go home, the DJ does too; He has nothing else to do at the end of the night. You can lie in bed confident in the knowledge that it takes your DJ about 5 minutes to take down all his equipment and carry all 300+ kilograms of it the 200 yards to the back of the van and get it all loaded in.
Far more impressive, is to go and wave a five pound note at him and tell him he can have it if he plays for another hour. Five pounds to a DJ at 2 O’clock in the morning makes a world of difference. He will be totally humbled by your request. For a little bit more fun, tell him he can have it after he has finished playing and then go and spend it at the bar in between times. You will also find the venue to be highly accommodating to this as well. They too don’t have anything to do at the end of the night as setting up 50 tables for breakfast and clearing up all the glasses and other party litter from the room is only a menial task and is what they are paid for. They also really appreciate the DJ and always encourage guests to invite him back again to their venue so that they can always be assured of a 3am finish.

5. Do you do Karaoke – always a great question to ask a DJ? Even though you can see that he doesn’t have a TV or Computer Monitor in front of his disco, you know he secretly has a collapsible one stuck in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. In the unlikely event that he doesn’t have it with him that night and tells you no, demand adamantly, that he is a mobile disco and he MUST do Karaoke. He will be very impressed with your experience of his business. Mobile Discos and Karaoke always go together like a taxi company and a haulage contractor (They both have vehicles that drive on roads, so therefore they should provide both services) – Common sense really...

4) The Farty Dance – This is a great party trick. Unfortunately, this one requires a little preparation and pre-work on your part, so make sure you plan early for this one. Firstly, you need to make sure that you drink as much beer as is humanly possible throughout the night. Also, when partaking of the buffet, ensure you get first dibs on all the spicy and garlic loaded food. Ideally, make a grab for the cauliflower fritters, egg sandwiches, onion rings, bahjees, samosas and curry as well as the ultimate weapon, garlic bread. These all have the best effect in our ultimate goal. After doing all you pre-work, the aim is to make sure that the combination of beer and spice loaded food, all ferment and combine in your stomach.  This ensures that when you get up and dance right in front of the DJ Booth in the last half an hour, the gases easily escape with every movement you make and you can laugh along with all the other guests as you all see the DJ wince and fall in a heap on the floor from the delicate aroma of your evening’s consumption.

3. Don’t be nice to the DJ - The biggest mistake guests make at a party is being pleasant and well-mannered to the DJ. He is not there to enjoy himself, he is there to work and entertain you. Even the slightest inkling that he is doing a good job and keeping everyone happy will make him feel very uncomfortable. One of the key things is to make sure that you don’t say please and thank you when asking for a song. He will feel totally belittled by this – so it is best just to shout abuse at him and demand that he plays your song straight away. After all, you are far more important than he is. He is just a DJ. He just plays music and doesn’t have a proper job. Even those part time ones who are successful business people during the day and DJ part time are stupid… What!!! Surely a DJ can’t be clever enough to have another job other than playing music every Friday and Saturday night. You are right. We all sit at home picking our toe nails whilst playing through our entire iTunes music database between each and every weekend. Ultimately, it is far better to treat him much like something you have just trodden in. He will totally respect you for this, remember you at every party he sees you at in the future and always give you that extra special treatment.

2. Perfect Seating Position – When you first get to the venue, it is absolutely essential that you get the best seating position possible. I would highly recommend the table either closest to, or right in front of one of the DJs speakers. Always make sure though, before leaving home that you have plenty of tissues that you can put into your ears. The DJ finds it highly amusing to see you sat there with Kleenex hanging out of your ears looking like a reject from Watership Down. To make the most of this experience, it is always advisable to go and shout at the DJ and tell him to turn the bl**dy music down as it is making your ears ring and the “boom boom” bass is making you spill your drink all down your posh party dress. Oh, and of course, make sure that you tell all your friends afterwards that the DJ played the music far too loud. They will never know that you sat right in front of the speakers and will always be wary of booking your DJ for other events. Your DJ will really appreciate this, as having a reputation for playing music too loud will mean that he doesn’t do many discos and can spend his Saturday nights watching John Barrowman’s Tonight’s the Night or the inimitable Paddy McGuiness in Take Me Out…. Much more entertaining!!!!

1. My favourite of all time, the "Everyone Will Dance To This" Trick - Go up to your DJ when he has a full dance floor, and tell him that if he plays a particular song, or genre of music, EVERYONE will get up and dance. This is a great little trick. You see the DJ doesn’t know his music, or how to make the dance floor work. He really needs you to tell him what to play throughout the night as you, as the main guest, know everything about being a DJ and the type of music that everyone in the crowd likes. However (and here is the important bit) make sure you tell him a song that you like, but no-one else does. That way, you can get on the floor, have a bit of a boogie for 30 seconds or so, and when everyone else sits down, you too can go and join them. It really does leave the DJ feeling very stupid and makes him work very hard to get everyone else back up on the dance floor again. Your DJ will really appreciate you doing this for him and will thank you especially for it.

Hopefully, this has given you a good insight into how to make your party a little more interesting and will help you learn to to manage your DJ and keep him on his toes and totally motivated.

I am always keen to hear of your own experiences, so please feel free to comment below and share them with everyone else.

DJ Squeezer

It is very difficult to put an all encapsulating price on discos. It is like calling a builder and asking them how much will it be to build a house.

We carry a lot of equipment which can cope with anything from a six year olds birthday party with 30 kids playing musical statues, to the likes of massive summer balls with 800+ guests.

Each event requires evaluation including discussions with the client to see, for example:-

• How much audio equipment is required to give adequate levels for the number of guests attending and the type of music being played.
• How much and what type of lighting is required
• Are additional effects such as mood lighting, smoke or haze required.
• Where the venue is.
• How far is it from where we can park our vehicle to where the disco takes place.
• What time does the event start
• What time can we get in to set up
• Are there any other special requirements

These are just a few of the things that a mobile disco provider needs to determine before they can even consider giving a price.

Going back to the Builder analogy, would you trust that builder who you telephoned for the quote to build you your new house, and immediately gives you a ridiculously cheap quote for £50,000 without even establishing the most basic of information – Oh and he wants all the money up front in cash!!!.

This is where the Professional Mobile Disco business is differentiated from what we in the business call the “Sixty Quid Sid”.

The “Sixty Quid Sid” is the guy (or girl) who you ring up and tells you…

“Yep – Sixty Quid mister for your party – oh where is it again” and you can almost be guaranteed of one or more of the following happening:-

1.     He will have got a better priced gig for the same night and won’t bother telling you, he just won’t turn up

2.     He will turn up in jeans and Adidas T-Shirt, with his Hi-Fi system that he bought from Currys (or any other well-known electrical retailer) and sit them on a table in the corner of the room with his spinning beacon or traffic lights,

3.     He will have been stopped by the Police on the way to your gig as his Citroen Saxo with wide wheels and cherry bomb exhaust was seen to be overloaded with his extensive CDR collection (with all his limewire tracks copied to them) – They have confiscated his car as he doesn’t have any business insurance.

4.     He will get to the venue, only to find out that they won’t allow him to play because he doesn’t carry and Public Liability Insurance and hasn’t had his Hi-Fi PAT Tested.

5.     You realise half an hour into the night that your guests actually don’t like Hardcore Dance, Electro and DubStep and that bit of Acid House that he played for your first dance didn’t really work too well.

6.     His Hi_fi System blows up whilst pumping a massive 10 Watts of Hardcore House through it in the middle of the night. After discovering the venue haven’t got a spare one, your party comes to an abrupt end.

7.     Granny and all your other older relatives decides they are leaving at 9pm as they can’t cope with all the “Boom, Boom” music and you end up with six people sitting around the dance floor with tissues stuck in their ears.

8.     Don’t worry though, even if the DJ does turn up, you will always be able to find him to deal with your issues. He will be propping up the bar on his 5th pint chatting up the bridesmaids.

OK, these things are a bit tongue in cheek and extreme, but be assured they do happen and all too frequently.

Remember, this is your special night and you don’t want anything to spoil it. Like it or not, your DJ and Disco is going to be the main driver on the success of your party, so why take the risk and skimp on it.

The thing that always amazes me is with Weddings. A Bride and Groom think nothing of spending £15,000 on the venue, £5000 on the dress and a £1000 on the cake. When it comes to the entertainment, what do they do – find the cheapest disco in town. Anything over £100.00 is too expensive.

Please, take the same time, care and consideration that you take buying everything else when choosing your entertainment for your very special night and don’t go for the cheapest DJ in town.

Make sure that when you ring up your potential entertainers, that they ask all the questions you would expect to be able to plan your event. Make sure that they have all the licenses, insurance etc. that your venue require, that they know how to dress and conduct themselves at your party and more importantly, they know what time they need to be there. As with anything else, try and get references from past clients and find out how they have performed at previous events at your venue.

You don’t need to spend a fortune. We are more than aware that there are some DJs out there that don’t charge the earth but are very, very good or are trying to establish themselves in the industry. High prices aren’t always a “tell” of a quality disco or service, and conversely low price doesn’t mean you will get you a “Sixty Quid Sid”. Just make sure that you are getting what you expect for your money.

Don’t worry though, like me, there are many companies out there that will provide you with a backup service if you are ever let down by the inimitable “Sixty Quid Sid”. The down side, you will have to pay a premium for this service – usually more than you would have paid for a reliable company in the first place.

So, to sum up, I would like to give you a checklist to use when enquiring about the entertainment for your night:-

1.     Generally is his/her attitude professional and friendly on the first contact

2.     Do they fully understand your needs and importantly ask all the relevant questions before giving you a price, including:-

• venue details (location accessibility, licensing requirements etc)
• start and end times
• number of guests
• Any additional effects required
• Music tastes
• Guest age ranges

3.     Are they prepared to come and meet you to discuss your needs in more detail

4.     Do they have all the required licenses and insurance including:

• All Equipment holds a current PAT Test Certificate for Electrical Safety
• They hold adequate Public Liability Insurance typically anything from £1 million to £10 million
• They have a current ProDub Certificate which allows them to copy music from where they downloaded it to any other media such as CD, another hard drive, SD Card etc.
• Business Vehicle Insurance.

5.     Do they have REAL feedback from past event or past clients that you can contact to get feedback from.

6.     Have the venue used/seen them before and are able to provide any feedback

7.     Do they offer to send a contract or confirmation of booking

8.     Do they have a website where you can see pictures of previous events and see full details of their business. A website can be a very good indicator of how professional the company is in terms of whether they actually have one, what it looks like and what their business comprises. If a company doesn’t take care about their own online presence, how sure can you be that they will show the same care and attention to your event.

9.     Are they a member of any recognised DJ Association or body.

This is only a basic checklist, and of course you have to use your own discretion when booking your DJ. We are always happy to advise, even if you are not considering booking us.

In closing, have a look at this website for your typical “Sixty Quid Sid”. OK, it is a wind-up, but will hopefully give you an insight into what NOT to look for when booking your DJ.

Please leave us comments as well as your disco nightmares and successes.

http://www.cheapdisco.com/

Welcome to my first blog by me, DJ Squeezer (or Simon).

This will be the first of many blogs over the coming months which will hopefully provide lots of useful information including things like:-

• Lots of advice when booking a disco, planning your event, choosing music etc.
• Personal experiences from the field
• Live feeds when at events
• Lots of other general topics that will hopefully be of interest to you, the reader.

I am going to do my best to post at least once a week.

I am very keen to get your feedback in relation to my blog as well as every other aspect of the service we provide.

Please feel free to push our blogs on to your favourite social networking site as well as adding feedback at the end of this blog.

In the meantime, all the best to all my readers and I hope I can bring some assistance and light hearted banter to your day.

DJ Squeezer